Recent events in my personal life (which will be detailed in a later blog post) have caused me to take a look at the things that I have given up in order to be in this profession. All my friends (who aren’t in Film & TV) have graduated college (many with masters and PHD’s because lets face it, I have really smart friends), started their careers (or are about to), purchased their first (and sometimes second) home, gotten married and even a few have babies or ones on the way.
I live at home, have more money in loose change in my purse than in my bank account, work 100 hours a week and only get paid for 20 and constantly have to deal with my family, friends and complete strangers have no clue what it is I actually do for a living.
So due to this personal issue, I started questioning whether everything I’ve given up was worth it. I mean I’m not on a TV series for crying out loud! Ten years of doing this I should have a bigger resume right? I should be friends with Brad and Angelina by now shouldn’t I?
What the hell am I doing with my life!!!!
Okay, that was my crazy brain talking. And sometimes when I go to crazy land I need to take a step back. And that’s what this weekend was all about.
I spent 4 days in a windowless room, jumping around and making silly noises with 18 other people. We meditated and dug into our emotional life, analyzed sides and played. We supported each other through our individual journey’s and celebrated the little victories.
It was the best weekend I’ve had in a LONG time.
Because I was doing what I love. I had to remind myself that acting isn’t about booking jobs and making money. It’s about connecting to another human being, its about growing and stretching and pushing yourself to do something scary.
I needed this weekend for so many reasons. I needed a reminder that the “sacrifices” I’ve made are worth it, I needed to remember that THIS is my purpose, my reason for being on this earth is to tell stories and I needed to be reminded that acting is not about booking, its about the process.
I love this word Process. As human’s (especially ones from the western world) we concentrate SO much on the result that we forget about the journey. Even after all these years, I’m still learning, my process will never end and that is so exciting to me. When I remind myself that it’s about process then I can relax and enjoy what I’m doing.
I’m so lucky to be living my bliss. I’m so grateful for everything I have in my life. I’m constantly learning, I’ll forever be a student and I LOVE it!
Go out there and live your bliss and enjoy the Process.